My husband and i are separated and he is dating
Do I need to see finalized legal papers before I can meet someone for coffee? So imagine you’re lonely in a marriage—and then you find out that because of a vast array of legal, financial, parenting, and partner issues, the divorce itself is going to take years: “[There’s a] mandatory 2-year separation period in our state….Dan Dear Duana, I’m a single mom, and I’ve been set up with another single parent who is ‘not quite divorced’. Should I suggest he contact me when the divorce is final? He got an apartment, and still came ‘home’ after work for months to help put our two young children to bed as neither of us emotionally was ready to tell the kids.We only lasted a couple more months before the stress of seeing each other while she was still married overwhelmed us….. I just didn’t want to get into the whole “I’m in the process” conversation.
Consciously or not, these people are using you as a jealousy-inducer—a way to renew their marriage bonds and reinvigorate their spouse’s affections by showcasing how desirable they are to others: “….We dated for a couple months before she told me she was married but didn’t wear a ring because she felt divorce was imminent.We only lasted a couple more months before the stress of seeing each other while she was still married overwhelmed us…..Dear Duana, I’ve gotten involved with three women I met online in the last year, only to find they were all still married. It makes a lot of sense when you see it from their side.* People need love, or at least some contact.
I had asked each of them whether their divorce was final before meeting in person, and they all said yes! Many studies confirm that isolation doesn’t just make us miserable, it can literally make us ill.
And evolutionarily speaking, women might accurately feel they are running out of time; with every decade past men’s 20s, guys who can snag ever-younger partners do, leaving straight women of their own cohort short of available mates: “….[My now-ex] said I had no right to date because we were ‘still married’, ha!